Lil' Bit Of Me

2005-06-28T18:40:00.000-04:00

Word of the day: Lethargic

So I worked all day at the damned grocery store....I'm always working there...can't wait until next Tuesday for a few reasons....First of all, I start back at my Rehab. job with the disabled kids...they are so fun to work with! And I also get to do a little extra since it is considered my internship this summer...I'm psyched about getting back into that job. Also, it is me and my boyfriend's 6 month anniversary....even though I haven't been feeling that great about "us" lately, I'm still kinda psyched that we have been together that long...I guess I just thought the summer would be different with him and I being so close to each other. During the school year we are 80 miles apart...things were pretty good then and I thought it would be even better now, but we barely see each other...I'ts kinda bringing me down...we gotta just talk about it and things will prob. be better.
Also, my emotions and moods have just been crazy lately. If you know me, it would make sense I think....I just need to go talk to my doctor again and see what's going on....I haven't been myself lately and I'm just so tired and run down all the time...There are just so many things on my mind and the fact that I didn't expect the summer to be like this...eh, kinda bums me out a bit...Oh well...I'm sure I will get through it...

Alright...enough venting for me..Sorry for such a boring and depressing post...I'm tired and I gotta go shopping for my bro's b-day now...Peace out all.

"...So since you want to be with me, you have to follow through with every word you say...And I all I really want is you, for you to stick around, I'll see you everyday, but you have to follow through.."

2005-06-26T23:31:00.000-04:00

::Blows off the dust:::

Ok, ok ok ....I know I said I was done with this journal....I said that with my other journal too..I think I'm going to try and get back into both of them...yeah right....someone kick me in the ass if I start slacking off with it again...heh..Well, all is well with me...I am now a senior at UNE *shock* I can't believe it....times really does fly...It has been a verrrry busy summer so far...I work at ton at the damn grocery store and I will soon start a summer job/internship at a rehab. hospital with disabled kids...And I def. have wayy too much fun with friends in between all of that....it's all fun and stuff, but very tiring...So how about you? How's life/summer been?

I'm kind of at a loss for words right now...it has been a long hot day and I'm so damn tired...If you wanna know what the address is for my other journal site, just let me know...I don't know the address off the top of my head, but I do know it is at LiveJournal....
*yawn*

Talk to you all later....

~T

"Let love rule your heart, logic rule your mind, and faith rule your soul"

2004-12-10T15:21:00.000-05:00

I'm Giving Up.

So I'm sick of having no motivation to keep up with this journal thing. First of all, I don't even know how to fix it and alter it myself. Nobody reads it, and if they do, they don't leave messages usually. So FUCK IT. I give up. Unless I get some motivation to keep up with it, I'm done. I will just accept the fact that I have no friends who give a shit about it, and that I just suck.
Ugh! My life isn't interesting enough anyways...
*TTYL*

2004-12-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

Nuthin' But A Slacka' Baby

Hey all...I know I have been slacking off with this whole journal thing. I promise I'll get back to it more this weekend or some other time when I have a few moments to sit down here and type. For one thing, I'm thinking of changing my address to of my journal...If you got any ideas, or wanna help me out, let me know. There are a few people who have access to this site that I don't want looking at my stuff...soooo I gotta change that.
Anyway...I'll be back later for more...

"So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say
Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road
Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking 'round the bend singing..."

2004-10-31T01:46:00.000-05:00

ok....I know this picture is reading backwards, but I don't know how to fix it on my webcam...Yeah...oh well...This is a picture of a cardboard police event sign that I took off of a lightpole in Boston!! The red thing next to it is a horn that I bought off of a vendor for 5 bucks.. :-)

2004-10-31T01:44:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture of the Duckboats with all of the players in the Charles River at the end of the Parade. There were about 6 million people on Boston. It was sooo crazy, but def. worth every minute of it!! :-)

2004-10-31T01:32:00.000-05:00

RED SOX NATION!

So as you probably know, the Red Sox are WORLD SERIES CHAMPS!! I know I know...I still can't believe it! First time since 1918....And to celebrate this, I went to Boston Friday night and got up at 6am to go to the Parade with all of the players on the Duck Tour Boats. I went with two of my roomies (Amy and Whitney) and also with Tricia, who lives outside of Boston. We got to rainy, cold, Boston at 7am and stood outside for 4 hours before we saw the players go by! It was DEF. worth it though! I had the time of my life! To be within 15 feet of the Red Sox was the sweetest thing!! :-)
Even though we were soo tired and wet and still had to drive back to school in Maine, it didn't stop us from having the best time. I just got out of the shower and back from the Rave. I took lots of pictures and had a blast with my friends. By the way, the Rave is a cool Halloween dance party that goes on at my school and they hire a professional DJ and everything. It was really a fun time. All the costumes were cool, and I was proud to be the "Hot Ladybug of Love"...lol...nobody else had a costume like mine! So needless to say, it was a fun, busy, and tiring weekend. I do NOT look forward to doing homework all day tomorrow! Oh yeah, don't forget to set your clocks back tonight! An extra hour of sleep!!! :-D

*Peace*

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde

2004-10-26T19:26:00.000-04:00

Picture Crazy!

Sorry about all the picture craziness...I get a little nuts with it all...lol...
Yeah, so life has been pretty busy on my end. It's getting harder to keep up with this damn journal...Between tests, papers, and the RED SOX in the World Series!!! Whoo Hoo!!!
This is the year....They WILL win the World Series. :-) :-) One thing that drives me nuts, are the "bandwagoners". Those who never follow baseball or the Red Sox and are all of a sudden "big fans"...heh...cracks me up...oh well.
So I think the blasting is almost over here....THANK GAWD!! Geez! That was soo annoying! The construction will still be going on, but it will be a LITTLE quieter now.
Anyway....How are you doing? Who the hell reads this pathetic journal of mine anyways? Show yourselves! Leave messages! I know you're out there!
Alright...I should stop slacking off and get to work before Game 3 of the Series comes on (after the 1 hour rain delay)....Two more games and the Series belongs to Boston!!!

"How I love that dirrrty water...Awww Boston you're my home!"

*Peace*

"Everything will come around in time" ~Sarah McLachlan

2004-10-26T19:21:00.001-04:00

This one is also very cute...

2004-10-26T19:21:00.000-04:00

OMG!! This is the coolest sink EVER!! I want one some day if I get lots of $$$

2004-10-26T19:20:00.001-04:00

What a stupid cat! I thought they were supposed to be afraid of water??

2004-10-26T19:20:00.000-04:00

This one is just too damn cute... Puts a smile on my face.. :-)

2004-10-26T19:19:00.000-04:00

So this picture may look creepy to some, but I thought it was pretty neat...What do you think?

2004-10-26T19:04:00.002-04:00

And another...

2004-10-26T19:04:00.001-04:00

Here's another one...

2004-10-26T19:04:00.000-04:00

I.Love.Roses. That's all I have to say.

2004-10-16T18:08:00.000-04:00

Another Wasted Weekend

So it's friends and family weekend and I was looking forward to seeing my parents today. As my luck goes, they are really sick, so I won't get to see them at all. Not only that, it means that for the 4th week in a row, I am without a car. I was looking forward to possibly going down to Cambridge tonight to go to a kick ass Halloween party with my lil' T (aka: Tricia), but now that won't be happening either. I am pretty bummed out. To top it all off, I failed my Genetics exam with flying colors. Yeah, I rock. I spent all of my long weekend (last weekend) studying for all of my exams. Let's hope I did well on the other two so I don't feel like college is completely hopeless for me. Ugh!
So I guess I was just looking forward to some fun. To do what TANYA wants to do. I guess I'm still having a good weekend so far. I went out to lunch and did a lil' shopping with Amy, her parents, Sarah, her parents, Crit, and Whitney. The roomies and I never get to hang out, so it was pretty cool. I just really wish my parents came up, or I could have at least made it down to Mass. tonight. Ah well. Enough whining on my part. I just sound like a big baby. Shit happens, life goes on right? Yeah....right...Easier said than done. Leave me some messages if you want. I could use it right about now. So what's your weekend look like?

*Peace*

"I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind
Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?
I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul
Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?
So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down
Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still 'everything happens for a reason'
Is no reason not to ask myself
If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?" ~John Mayer

2004-10-10T18:57:00.000-04:00

THIS is a picture of the doorstops in our rooms here at school...KICKING THEM WITH BARE FEET F*IN' HURTS!!!

2004-10-10T02:23:00.000-04:00

Krazyyyy Gurl...

Yeah, so I apologize about all the pictures I sent...Now that I know the pictures that I was trying to send works, I'm all excited..! Woo Hoo!!! I just gotta figure out how to link text and to maybe make the pics smaller, like a thumbnail view that a viewer can make bigger if they want. Right now the pictures are like, taking up my whole blog...heh.

Yeah, it's late...I should go to bed, but I don't feel like it right now...
I am NOT looking forward to this week. Figures that I am having my first exams in all my classes ALL next week! Plus, the blasting and construction will still be going on! Grrr.
Oh well. At least the Sox won Friday...haha..This is going to be the year. I just know it. I'm hoping my dad can get some Series tix, but I doubt it. Even if he does, my friends would stone me to death for going without them...Any ideas for my possible will?? LOL

Alright, I'm done laughing at myself...Think I might brush my teeth and try the whole sleep thing...

*Peace*

"It's the little things in life that make it all worthwhile"
(Something I'm going to try and hold on to)

2004-10-10T02:18:00.000-04:00

This is a really cool picture of a necklace that I got one of my good friends.

2004-10-10T02:17:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of our lil' baby bunny we got at school. We aren't supposed to have animals in the dorms, so shhh! don't tell! His name is Pipentino...He is a cutie.

2004-10-10T02:15:00.000-04:00

This is kind of a shitty picture, but this is Sarah McLachlan..and for those of you who don't know who she is, you should be so ASHAMED of yourselves! J/k. No, she is my fav singer...just thought I would share :-)

2004-10-10T02:14:00.000-04:00

So I don't have much of ANY artistic skills, but I'm pretty proud of this here collage that I have on my wall at s'kool...heh.. :-p

2004-10-10T02:12:00.000-04:00

Whitney falling asleep on my bed...She thinks my bed is "sooo comfy"... :-p

2004-10-10T02:10:00.000-04:00

Whitney made me look cute tonight! She straightened my hair and I waxed my eyebrows...woot. woot.

2004-10-06T17:15:00.000-04:00

Frustration..

Yeah, can't explain why I'm feeling that way right now (see title). A lot of stuff I'm dealing with right now I guess...Let's not get into that right now!
So yeah...I went to the annual Deerfield Fair in NH this past weekend...It was pretty good. Same ol' country fair they have every year. I brought a few friends from college with me and we had a great time. I spent the rest of my weekend back here at school...It is always busy for me. Kinda wish it was still summer. I dunno....
This weekend we have a three days off. Those days will def. consist of me studying for three exams that I have next week...Ugh.
The Construction outside my window has only gotten worse. Now that all the trees are cleared, they are now blasting. FOR THE MONTH OF OCTOBER! BAH! So I hear cranes and other construction crap-ola starting at like, 7am...and they starting blasting, oh, around 8 or 9 am! Bastards...What a way to wake up every morning.

I don't really see any point to this blog. I'm not in a very funny or talkative mood at all. Just thought I would attempt to keep up on my boring blog.

P.S. If anyone knows anything about linking text or pictures into blogs, please let me know. I have downloaded and got all these damn programs to do it, and I still can't figure it all out. Damn technology crap is so damned complicated sometimes.

Later all.

"Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happyI would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:] I'll spread my wings and
I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus:] I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway"
~Kelly Clarkson

2004-10-03T12:57:00.000-04:00

Yeah...So I'm trying to play around with pictures on my blog...not too sure how well it's going to work out...Grrr

2004-10-01T01:45:00.000-04:00

Yeahhhhhhh...

I'm such a damn slacker with this whole journal thing...I fixed it, and then I waited to type anything (plus I have been super busy with school and stuff) until my buddy Tricia tweaked it a bit...(Thanks dude :-) )...So here I am...hopefully I can keep up more this time....Hopefully more people will be reading and didn't give up on me yet...
Well, school is going alright...Nothing really to say...it's just school...ya know?
(Besides the convienience of CONSTRUCTION outside my bedroom window EVERY morning...apparently, building a new dorm this year was the cool thing to do...heh)
I went to a Yankees/Red Sox game last weekend with my mom :-) That was THE BEST game EVERRR!!! Even though they lost :-p
We also had awesome seats about 20 feet from the field...Whoo hoo!

My roomies and I have our suite COVERED in plants and animals. It's like a freakin' safari jungle in here! LOL...It's pretty crazy...We got 8 fish total...A CRAP LOAD of plants, and a cute lil' black baby bunny named Pipentino (Yeah, my roomie Whitney comes up with the craziest names for pets) :-)

Well, I've already got a damn cold and it's only the beginning of the damn semester! So I should go to bed and get some sleep...Gawd, I need it!
I am going to the Deerfield Fair tomorrow...It's a huge country fair in NH...pretty cool...I get to see a lot of old friends...and I'm bringing some friends from school, so it should be interesting...Then, I'll be back here for the rest of the weekend to do some homework and help manage the volleyball team...Leave me some love if you want to...

*Peace*

"Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of."
-Anon

2004-09-10T16:26:00.000-04:00

I'm Cool

So I was bored today and decided to play with skins for my blog...I' m new to this stuff, so bear with me. I am gonna have to ask Tricia how to get my list of blogs back and some other stuff because I'm not too sure how to put it in code and stuff....So yeah, let me know what you think!

"I don't wish to be everything to everyone but I would like to be something to someone"

2004-09-08T13:40:00.000-04:00

Wow I Suck!

Well, it has been FOREVER since I last updated this thing! Sorry bout that. Yeah...so the summer camp at the hospital is over and I miss it so much. Hannaford's sucked for the last few weeks I was there. But I do miss the people there. The weekend of the concert, Red Sox game, and Six Flags was absolutely amazing! That had to of been the best weekend I have had in a longgg time! I also got a new puppy on Aug. 26th. She is about 4 and a half months old and her name is Kia. She is a german shepard just like Sheba was. It's kinda wierd having a new dog at home, because I still miss Sheba a lot. Kia has really attached to me a lot. I got to spend the whole first day with her, and now that I'm moved back to school, I miss her so much. I'm a little homesick, but I'm sure that will fade once I get super busy with this school stuff. I love living in the new suites on campus. They are so much nicer than the older dorms. Classes started today and they are okay so far. I got a new fish tank and I can't wait to get some fishies for it! :-) My roomies are great too and I got some of my friends in this dorm (East Hall) and others in West Hall which is right next door, so I can't complain. I went to a Red Sox game on Saturday and it was sooo awesome! This time, we sat like, four rows from the Red Sox dugout which was better than our right field seats at the last game. The Sox lost, but it was a good game anyways. After the game, we found out that Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore were at the game shooting a movie scene! They were sitting right next to the Red Sox dugout! I didn't see either of them during the game, but I did get Jimmy Fallon's autograph on my Sox hat after the game! :-) And I even got to sit on the Red Sox dugout! At the last game, I got Jerry Remy's autograph and my picture taken with him which was cool too.
Alright...I should get going now..I got a meeting at 2pm and class tonight at 6pm...Talk to you all later, Thanks for reading! And let me know how you are all doing....And Amy (one of my roommates) THANKS for reading and responding! :-D

Peace out.

"...Slow down
Just look a little closer
You might find thats its not the end
You wonder how, your life can get better
When you're alone you just set yourself down...
...Try and find your better half now
Open your eyes, and find yourself..." ~Ashlee Simpson

2004-08-12T17:40:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been a long time..

Yeah, so I'm a little behind on my journal. Who cares? Nobody seems to notice about it anyways. So...
This is my last week working at the rehab. hospital. I'm really going to miss them so much. Just thinking about tomorrow being my last day with them brought tears to my eyes. They are truly an inspiration to me, and I feel like working with them is a sort of comfort zone for me. I feel so happy and so accomplished when I'm there...like nothing can stand in my way...Oh well....Maybe I'll go back and work there again next summer.
Besides my hospital job ending tomorrow, I leave to go to RI for a Sarah McLachlan concert!! I'm so psyched. Then, I get to take a train to Boston to see a Red Sox game on Saturday, and then from Sunday until Monday I get to visit with my roommate Amy and our friend Melissa. Somewhere in there we are going to try to get to Six Flags. Hopefully it won't rain or anything considering the hurricanes are coming up the coast.
So after this fun weekend, I get to work back at Hannaford's alllll over again! Greattt.
I go back to school on Sept. 6th. I guess I have mixed feelings on whether or not I want to go back. Of course I will go back, but I'm feeling slightly apprehensive.

A few things have been bothering me lately. First of all, I'm so sick of a certain someone who insists on pushing his way into my life. I tried to be nice and I made it worse. I asked to not be in his journal, yet every friggin entry is about me and I can't stand it anymore. Enough people read his damn journal and I don't want to become a huge rumor. I'm so sick of your obsession with me and I don't know what else I have to do to get you to see that. You wonder why I don't want to talk to you. You are way over your head and you don't even realize it. You really need to get a grip on yourself and get over me. I can't take this anymore. I can't believe that you can't take "no" for an answer. I mean, come on now. Are you reasonable at all? Can't you respect me and not obsess over me on the internet? And on top of it all, you try to get your nose in places where it doesn't belong. Who cares if I like other people. Who cares if they aren't sure how they feel. It doesn't mean it won't work. And now you are trying to be "friends" with him? Are you seriously okay? This is just getting too fuckin' psychotic for me to handle. Ugh. Sorry to my few readers who had to read that venting saga. I'm surprised you are still reading this right now. Congrats.

Second of all, I'm concerned for a friend of mine. I just want to burst into tears when I catch wind of how she is feeling. She tells me she is okay, when I know she isn't. I want to help, but she says she will feel bad. I feel as though my hands are tied. I can't ever stop being there for me, but I feel as though me being her friend isn't helping and that makes me feel like shit. I feel like me being a friend to her isn't good enough. She never really talks to me anymore, I make attempts to call her and try to make plans with her, but that doesn't work either. I'm trying so hard to mean something to her. I wish she would realize and trust that I want to be her comfortable friend. I want to be able to calm her down, even if it is just temporary.....ugh...I really don't know what else to say...I have so much that I want to say, but I can't seem to find the words.

So yeah, how are you doing? (Sorry for the venting.)

I gotta get going. Time to pack for my weekend and get ready to go to the gym. Later all.

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." -Theodore Roosevelt

2004-07-12T19:24:00.000-04:00

Random song lyrics...

Phew..I am one tired girl...I didn't know what to talk about in here, but I wanted to talk about SOMETHING. So I decided on song lyrics...Creative..riiiight. Well, if "someone" (::cough:: Tricia ::cough cough::) showed me how to link text and how to add photos to this stuff MAYBE I could have a little more fun!! Oh well. Someday I will make this site a little more interesting....
So yeah! I'm a little excited about a new reader to my site!! Woo Hoo! It's about time someone actually READS AND COMMENTS to my stuff....:-) Thank you mysterious new person!! Hehe!

So yeah...The hospital job is really tiring me out. I work there alllll the time and also work at Hannaford's...It's good though, because I need to pay bills somehow. I went and saw some fireworks on Saturday. They were alright for Raymond...heh.

I'm still working on me. I'm getting there, but I just don't feel as though I want to talk about it much here in my journal even though it has been the highlight of my life this whole summer. I guess it's good that I'm focusing on helping myself, but it is so frustrating at the same time. Some days are better than others. I dunno.....I am just freaked out about how/who I am...I feel as though I am losing a few friends who mean SOO MUCH to me...I don't know how or why, and the more I try to figure it out, the more upset I get...Ugh. So yeah....I'm outta stuff to talk about...Oh yeah...I am going (hopefully) to a Sarah McLachlan concert on Friday August 13th!! I am excited for it because I have been such a die hard fan for soo long and I have wanted to see her in concert for the longest time! We'll see...
I am also going to my first Red Sox game ever on Saturday August 14th...(yeah I know, the day after the concert..I will be tired but it will all be worth it!) Those are the two fun things I am doing for ME this summer....It will be fun for me, but also, if I wasn't with my buddies, it wouldn't be HALF as fun.

Alright. I'm out. I don't know what else to say.

Here's some lyrics:

"Everywhere someone's getting over
Everybody cries
And sometimes you can still lose even if you really try
Talking about the dream
Like the dream is over
Talk like that
Won't get you nowhere
Everybody's trusting in the heart
Like the heart don't lie

[Chorus]

And that's all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I don't need to
Just stay all through the night
In the morning let me down
Cause that's all that I need right now

Everywhere someone's getting over
Everybodys life is someone
People still use other people with a crooked smile
And all around the world there's a sinking feeling

Out there right now someone's feeling
Down on themselves and don't know why
Every night

[Chorus]

And that's all that I need, yeah
Someone else to cling to, yeah
Someone I can lean on
Until I don't need to
Just stay all through the night, yeah
In the morning let me down
Cause that's all that I need right now

And life ain't no beauty show
We don't know where tomorrow ends
And when we're sad
It's kind of a drag

Just stay all through the night
In the morning let me down
Yeah, cause that's all that I need
Yeah, that's all that I need
Yeah, that's all that I need
That's all that I need right now
Right now"
~MatchBox 20

"On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care
When I'm angry, you listen
When youre happy, it's a mission
And you wont stop 'til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
Well, I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh"
~Ashlee Simpson

2004-07-05T10:50:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I posted a blog just a few mintues ago, but I dunno if it actually went through...grrr.....sometimes computers can really suck.

2004-07-05T10:24:00.000-04:00

I don't even know what the title of this should be.

Yeah, so I officially suck at keeping up with this blog that nobody really responds to anyway. Hmm...I wish I knew how to put in cool pics and links and stuff, but I don't, so there's one reason why this blog is super boring. I don't even know what to talk about right now. I could tell you how I hate my job at Hannaford's and how my hospital job starts Tuesday and I'm kinda nervous about it. I could tell you how I have been housesitting for the past week and I have missed my room and bed at home. And how I have to spend the next week at my friend Melissa's house in Pelham driving back and forth to the hospital with her because of my car. But I could also tell you about how I am probably going to have a pretty awesome weekend in August (At least that's what I'm hoping for). I guess you could say (well, if you knew everything going on in my world lately) that I probably deserve to have a little bit of fun. So on August 13th, after my last day working at the hospital, I am going down to Rhode Island to a concert with my friends from UNE. And then, I'm going to a Red Sox game the next night with a few more friends from UNE. I guess they are playing the White Sox that night. So needless to say, by the time I make it home on that Sunday, I'm going to be a very tired girl, but hopefully I will be smiling and glad that I went and had some f-u-n. I know I should be overly excited about finally getting the chance to see one of my favorite artists perform, and finally see my first Red Sox game ever, but I dunno. I have had a lot going on that my attention is not focused on much positive, but instead, focused on worrying about a lot of stuff. And the more I try not to worry, the more frustrated I get that I'm struggling to be happier. I don't really feel like talking about all of this on my blog, but I can't help it when there is a lot of feelings dominating my mind. I can see myself sometimes pushing friends and family away and I.csn't.stand.it. I love those around me too much to be doing that, and I don't know why I'm doing it. If anything, I need their support more than ever, and I just hope they can see through me and know that I'm not meaning to be mean or to be unhappy. I just hope that those that really care about me, and are really there for me, are able to stick by me while I try to get through this shit. I know I will probably lose some friends, and I hope I don't lose many, but I don't blame some of them either. Ugh. I think I've said enough. I'm drained. I'm going to get ready for yet another 9 hour shift at Hannaford's. Don't think you are the only one that works all the time.

"Try to understand, There is an old mistake that fools will make, and I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away..."
~Dashboard Confessional

2004-06-21T22:11:00.000-04:00

Busy Busy..

Damn this summer has been busy! I work a ton at Skankaford's...I hate it..Oh well.
My doggie died and I miss her so much..I can't stand her not being here and it's only been a week now...
The good thing is, my brother graduated from high school on Friday. I'm so proud of him for sticking through it all. I'm glad he is finally done with high school.
I don't really know what else to talk about. I hang out with my friends from home and not from home a lot. I guess it's good that I am busy all the time then. I'm trying to have fun in between all the chaos. Hmm...I got nothin' else to chat about...
I'm working all week...which isn't a surprise at all...I ALWAYS work...I am going to Maine on Thursday and will probably spend the night...we will see.
And then I am spending all of next week "house/dog sitting" with a friend of mine..Should be interesting.
Well enough for now. Think I'm going to either read more of my book that I have yet to finish or get my sleep on. I haven't decided yet....SO what's new with YOU lately?

"...Take a shower, shine your shoes
You got no time to lose
You are young and you must be living so
Take a shower, shine your shoes
You got no time to lose
You are young and you must be living
Go now you are forgiven..."
~Dispatch

2004-06-13T23:32:00.000-04:00

R.I.P. Sheba

Tonight has to officially be one of the saddest days of my life. My dog Sheba of 13 years died tonight in my kitchen. I watched her die right after I just got home from the store to buy her treats. She had seizures. She had one on Friday night that scared my family and I so much. And then, she was fine. All of a sudden tonight, she just went into frequent seizures, and we just lost her. I don't even know how to tell you what I'm feeling right now. That dog was my life. She was always there for me through the good times and the bed. There are just so many memories I have of her. This is just so hard for my family and me. I know that she won't be there when I wake up in the morning, or be waiting by the door when I come home from work or from college. I just feel so lost without her. I can't explain it.

My life just won't slow down. Both the good and the bad keeps on coming at me. Between contacts appointments, doctors appointments, working all the time, and going to graduation parties, I just don't know when to slow down. My brother graduates on Friday. I'm so proud of him. At least that is one good thing I have to look forward to.

My roommate Amy is coming to visit me on Thursday...That will be fun..And then I will go back up to Maine next week which will be another good thing to look forward to.

Oh well...I gotta get up early tomorrow for an appointment for my contacts. I gotta work late tomorrow night too, so I should get going. Besides, I'm just so speechless and lost for words right now. My heart just feels so heavy. Feel free to leave some words of encouragement for me if you'd like.

2004-06-08T00:01:00.000-04:00

It's Been Awhile...

Well, I have been quite the busy girl! I have not updated in so long! It's ok though because nobody really reads this anyway...well, they just don't leave me messages. Life has been pretty busy....working, doctor's appointments..etc...It's all good. Makes the time go by. Saturday was my mom's birthday..that was nice because after I got out of work my mom, dad, and brother went fishing at the ocean. It has been a longgg time since my family has actually done something fun together. It was a good feeling. I just got a credit card which might be a bad thing. We'll see. I also just got contacts..I really like them, but they are kind of expensive. Thank goodness I'm working a lot to pay it off.
I can't wait to start my hospital job in July...Such good experience and cute kids.. Life will definitely be busier then. Hope I can still keep up with my friends and all...Gotta have fun too!!

My brother graduates on the 18th...I'm so proud of him! I just can't believe it is his turn already! Can't believe it has been two years since I graduated! Time really does fly by...
I hope this summer goes by kind of fast. I have been feeling very lonely lately and I don't know if it is because I'm at home or what. I don't really know why I'm feeling like this. Gonna give it some time..
Alrighty...time to go...I don't know what else to talk about...Life isn't that damn exciting...Maybe I will have more to talk about next time...Leave me some encouraging messages people!!! Let me know how you all are...

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy."
-Cynthia Nelms

2004-05-30T01:05:00.000-04:00

Why Do I Waste My Time?

*And that folks, is the question I have been asking myself a lot lately. For one, I try my best to keep up with this damn site just for my own good to vent and be excited about stuff or whatever. My place to type out any thoughts I got. It's good and it works. The only thing is, nobody bothers with this site, it's boring as hell, and I don't blame any of you who have this site and stare at it while yawning....Why do I waste my time?
*I work at a damn grocery store that sucks ass. People are such assholes and I don't get paid enough to deal with their bullshit. Why do I waste my time? (Well, I can answer that one...I'm a broke college kid!)
*I'm sick of chasing after and trying to hang out with and care for those I'm close to. They don't really seem to give a shit anyway, and I'm just a waste of time it seems sometimes. You know the feeling you get when someone is politely trying to shrug you off by saying they are busy or "have to get going"? Yeah. Exactly. So why do I waste my time?
*I just got contacts. Wow, I do love them! But it SUCKS in air conditioning when they dry out! Feels like sandpaper is in your eyes. Drops work for a little while, but still....such a pain in the ass! You can't rub your friggin eye or else the damn things will fall out, and hurt like a bastard. I work at a hospital and a grocery store where they have the AC blasting at all times. So why did I waste my time (and money)?
*I could talk about my amazing love life!! Now there's a good one! But wait....there's one thing about that: I DON'T FRIGGIN HAVE ONE! Man, seems like all my friends now have amazing "significant others" lately. They really are lucky to have that guy/girl in their life. I envy them to death and wonder what the hell is wrong with me and what I'm doing wrong. So here I am, trying to find someone after I have given up for a few years now. So why am I wasting my time?

Well, think I'm done now. I know I could go on, but that is just about enough that you readers need to know about. The rest will be left up to me to think about. I don't know why I do that....vent like that all the time on here. I know I'm definitely far from being the only person on earth that deals with crap and irritating stuff every single day of their lives. Just seems like lately I have paid my dues and the time is up for me. The good luck and positivity can come to me any time now....Now's a good time. Alright, enough for now.

"...I eat too much
I drink too much
I want too much
Too much..."
~Dave Matthews Band
(I also bitch too damn much)

"...Something's missing,
and I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing,
and I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is.
Friends check, Money check
good times check, guitar check
all check, all of you, check
everyone, check
havin' fun.
And I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is at all...."
~John Mayer

2004-05-22T22:35:00.000-04:00

I.Hate.Stupid.Annoying.People.

Just got out of work at 9pm. Worked a nine hour shift today. Ugh, my feet hurt. Only my second day back there and I want to punch myself in the face when I walk in there. Oh well. We all hate our jobs right? It's just that the customers and even more than half of the people who work there. They piss me off when they just breathe the wrong way!! And I also hate that everyone knows me in my damn small ass town. Everyone you know in the whole town comes in and says, "Oh! You're back! It's so nice to see you!", which is definitely fine. And then they play the 50 questions game of "So how's school? Glad to be home?" Grrr....I don't know! How do you think I am? Why doesn't it matter? Bah! Whatever. I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's just that I have spent way too much time in that store the past two days that I am sick of the same old thing and sick of annoying people who are dumb and say "Are you serious?" when you card them for alcohol and they end up only being like, 22 years old. Come on now, don't act like you are over 30 now and that I messed up because you are barely legal you stupid bastard!
Ok ok ok....enough about my damn summer job. We all know that work sucks and some people just need to not speak.

I think I'm done bitching. I watched "Family Guy" for pretty much the first time ever today. Damn, I love that show. It is soo random and funny! I LOVE the little baby named Stu. He is so bitter and angry....cracks me up so much. Heh....Ok so that's my random comment of the night. Great. Think I might just go to bed soon.

"...Now all those simple things are simply
too complicated for my life.
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life.
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life..." ~No Doubt

2004-05-18T13:03:00.000-04:00

Fun Times

Well, I know I haven't been doing a good job keeping up with this thing, but I have been a busy girl since I have been home. And I have been busy having FUN. Whoa, who would have thought?! I will be starting work this Friday again at Hannaford's for the summer and then later starting my other job at the Rehabilitation hospital, so I won't get to have much fun this summer and I'm taking advantage of it now while I still can. I have all my stuff unpacked at home which was a lot of work, but I'm glad it's done. I went back to UNE for their graduation. Damn, was that a long ass graduation! But it scares me to think that in two years, I will be graduating! Damn, time definitely flies by! I have been in Mass. the past couple of days visiting my buddy from school. Her birthday was yesterday, so I thought it would be cool if I came down to spend some time with her. It has been a fun time so far. Sucks that I'm going home tonight. Looks like we are going to spend some time at Barnes and Noble (oh how I love that store!) and maybe browse around Linens and Things for cool bedding and shit for our cool new dorm rooms next year. Hmmm....you are soooo jealous aren't you? I know you are. Just admit it! :-p

"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."
-Muhammad Ali

2004-05-17T09:47:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Tricia!!

Yeah, so I haven't posted a new entry in awhile. What are you gonna do about it eh? Ha.
Welp, I finally have most of my stuff from school unpacked at home which is definitely a plus. I start work back at Hannaford's on Friday which is going to suck, but I need lots of $$ so looks like I don't have a choice. Since I have been home, I have gone back to school for graduation and then hopped on a train to Mass. to visit with Tricia on her birthday. So that's where I am now. Feels good to get away from Raymond for now because I know that I won't be able to get away much more once I start work again. Anyway...
So yeah, chillin' with the T for a few days is a good thing. I just hope she has a good birthday and all.
Hmm....I'm lost for words. I don't even know what to talk about. I'm not at school and not at home and life isn't too interesting enough to talk about. Oh yeah..I got one thing to bitch about. People who leave weird, obsessive comments on my journal site and then go to their journal site to talk about me like I'm the best thing since sliced friggin' bread. I know that you want to marry me or whatever, but I just don't know how many times I gotta tell you that it will never work out. I don't know why you waste your time on me. I mean, come on...I don't need to be publicized that I'm the object of your affection when you aren't in any way shape or form the object of mine..Grr....gets on my damn nerves. Bah! Ok, I'm done venting. Phew. So tell me, what you up to lately? Got any good bitchy comments or stories for me? Come on! I know you got one!

Well, nuff said.

"...Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration..."
~Good 'ol Sarah McLachlan

2004-05-10T19:54:00.000-04:00

And It's Finally Over..

Well, I just took my last final. It was human development and the answers and questions were exactly from a review web site online. He just copied and pasted it into a final. Had to be the easiest test ever and it only took me 20 minutes to take it...Damn.
Feels good to be done with the schoolwork. This whole saying goodbye thing is starting to kick in now...will be easier than last year, but still is tough sometimes. Hmm...
Was a very eventful weekend. Went to the mall, Friendly's, and Wal Mart with the girls and spent money that we didn't have. It was great. Lots of laughs. Also drank last night before my final today..wow, I'm such a bad ass...LOL....It was fun and illegal all at the same time! :-) ;-)
I woke up feeling kind of crappy and tired today, but it was my own fault and I knew today was going to be shitty, so I had fun before today hit. I went to breakfast at the Maine Diner with Tricia..it was sooo good! I studied all damn day for that final that took me 20 freakin' minutes! Ridiculous! Oh well....Anyway...
I hope I can get some pictures and linked text on this site soon...I'm trying to figure it out so maybe I'll get more peeps to look at my cool site. Well, I think I'm going to rest my mind for awhile....It is crappy and rainy outside and it makes me just wanna curl up under my blankets with that special someone....well, maybe just my stuffed animals because that's all I got right now. Tomorrow is supposed to be in the 70's, so I am excited for that. I'm in no rush to pack up and leave tomorrow, so I'll just live it up and have some last minute fun with my friends. I recommend everyone to enjoy the weather tomorrow if you can!

"...If I just breathe
let it fill in the space between
I'll know everything is alright.
Breathe
every little piece of me
You'll see
everything is alright.
oooh yeah yeah...
Everything is alright.
If I just breathe...
I've been driving for an hour,
just talking to the rain..."
~Michelle Branch

2004-05-07T15:52:00.000-04:00

I never thought this day would come....

Well, I just finished taking my psychology final today. History and Anatomy was yesterday. I still have a cold, but I'm more tired than anything. I feel like death and I'm in such a daze. I can't believe this week is over and that the semester is winding down. It doesn't even feel like it should be summer. Not too sure why. My parents are coming up tomorrow to move some of my bigger stuff home. I am hoping to have a fun relaxing weekend with my friends before I go home. Monday night is my last final, and I'm not even worried about it. Then, Tuesday I will pack up the rest of my stuff and go home. I'm excited for the summer and for next year since we will be living in the new dorms, but a lot of me is going to miss my old room. I have lived in the same four walls for two years and I am just used to it. You kinda get used to that I guess.
I'll be home for a few days next week, but then I will be back up here for graduation and then I will be going down to Mass. for Tricia's birthday for a few days. I will start work at good ol' Hannafords on the 21st. Definitely not looking forward to that. Gotta get some money somehow.
So what's up for the weekend? Anything good? How was your week? (Not that anyone really reads this journal of mine anyways..)
Well, I'm one tired girl right now....think I might try and relax and watch a movie with the roomie...Have a good one y'all.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though they know that you are slightly cracked"

"The best kind of friend is one you can sit on a porch with, never say a word, and walk away feeling it was the best conversation you've ever had"

2004-05-03T13:54:00.000-04:00

Sick+Finals+Stressed+Tired=No Good For Business

Well, this may be the last journal for a little while...I'll try to keep up, but it will be tough this week. I have two finals on Thursday, one on Friday, and my last one the following Monday. I just can't wait for them to to be over. Then I will pack and head home to good 'ol NH....greatttt.
I'm going to miss UNE but at the same time, I'm kind of glad to be leaving. Mostly, I will miss my friends and my meetings. Those were the things that have mattered the most to me in these last few weeks. But, I do know that it will all be here waiting for me in the fall, so I'm not too worried. I got a horrible cold this weekend and I can't wait to get over it because it is really dragging me down and I could use every bit of energy for this week. Bad timing for my body to get mad at me and kick me in the face! Oh well....shit happens right??
So how was everyone's weekend? Got any good stories for me? Probably not because I don't think many people read this journal o' mine. Well, my weekend was definitely good and bad. Mostly good though. I think that's all I will share with you. It was random and really fun. Went to a rocky beach, studied a lot, went to a dance ("everybody in the club gettin' tipsy" ...hehe), and spent it all with my twin. She is the shit yo....
It would have been cool if my roomie and my other friends were here too, but I think they all needed to get a break from here...After all, most of them are staying up here this summer which is kinda cool for me because I can just make one stop to visit and see them all!! Alright...I think I'm going to try and take a nap real quick, so I will talk to y'all later...

"Well if you should nervously break down,
When its time for the shakedown, would you take it?
It's when you cry just a little, but you laugh in the middle that you've made it.
And don't it feel alright. and don't it feel so nice.
Lovely." ~Jason Mraz

2004-04-30T14:02:00.001-04:00

Lovely...

Wow, what a nice day out! It has got to be in the 70's right now with the sun out and everything! I got a surprise visit from one of my friends from home. She is thinking about coming her next year, so I gave her a tour...Good to see her. It has definitely been awhile. The rest of my day looks like I won't get much of any work done, but I don't mind. I will probably go to see a lighthouse today in Maine with my twin..Should be a fun time. And tonight I will probably go see the movie "50 First Dates" on campus. I love Adam Sandler and I hope that I win some of the prizes that are being given away. I will probably do some work later on, but who knows. I'm going to try not to worry/stress about it now. I just can't wait for the semester to be over, but part of me wishes it wasn't ending for a few reasons. Hmmmm...anyway! What a boring journal this is! I don't talk about anything random or fun. I gotta work on that.
So why don't you just get up from your damn computer and go outside and enjoy this nice weather!

*Whenever you are feeling lost or alone in this life, know that you never have to go alone. I'll be right there for you whenever you fall. I'm not ever going to leave your side.*
~straight from the heart of me~

2004-04-29T18:14:00.001-04:00

And the weekend begins...

I'm sooo glad this week is finally over! It definitely was a tough one, but next week isn't any better. Classes end on Tuesday and finals start on Thursday. Man, will I be so relieved when this semester ends!
Well, I don't have class on Friday, but that doesn't mean I won't be busy allllll weekend long...I have so much shit to do still. Oh well. At least I can try and catch up on some sleep, since I am lacking in that department. A lot of my friends went home for the weekend, so I have a lot of time to myself which is nice. I think I need it. I don't really know what to say..Too tired to talk and not in that great of a mood. Don't you just hate it when you just want to relax because you are so damn tired, but you can't stop thinking about everything? Like, you should be chilling out for a bit at the end of a week, but instead, you are worrying and thinking about everything that you still have to do? Yeah, it sucks. Oh well. I'm gonna just quit my bitching right now actually. So what is everyone up to this weekend? Anything exciting?
I'm going to step away from the computer for awhile. I'm addicted to the damn thing.

"Strange, but it seems, There's mutiny brewing inside of me now. I don't want your pity, Just the promise that I'll be alright" ~Dave Matthews Band

One thing you all will learn from me is that I love quotes and I love music.
I love all kinds of music. I especially like Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, Sarah McLachlan (hopefully I get to see her in concert this summer), No Doubt, Celine Dion, Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, etc.....so yeah, a lot of different stuff.
What do you listen to?

2004-04-28T17:54:00.000-04:00

Well, this is my new journal and I do like it a lot. Today was kind of shitty. Myself, along with everyone else on this damn campus is completely stessed out. Finals start next week, and part of me just wishes I could fast forward to summer already. Another part of me is holding back for a few reasons. Oh well. Life goes on whether we want it to or not. Hmmm...You know what I hate? Computers! Mine just works whenever the fuck it wants to...It's like "hmm...i don't feel like working...i think i'll just freeze up and not turn back on..just to piss Tanya off " Thanks computer! If it messes with me one more time, I SWEAR it's going to get a taste of the Saco river!! Oh well....I'm just glad I survived today...How was YOUR DAY?? .I just hope I make it through the rest of the semester. Between tests, quizzes, presentations, meetings, and never sleeping I just wish I had time to breathe. I feel like rice in a damn pressure cooker! <--Wow, I'm a wierdo.. I just have no patience left.
Wow, this journal is going to be so damn positive....I love it..What a way to make people NOT want to read about my life. Oh well...I have nothing else to talk about...I'll talk later when I am in a better mood and can be a little more positive.
Later all.

2004-04-27T19:26:00.000-04:00

Mmmm my new journal...